Madness

Posted by Jaren
Posted on April 28, 2008
Filed Under Ramblings |

madness, pissed off, brutal, fuck you… madness… God of War Madness….

I made this post after I played God Of War again… got pissed off at Ares because it’s so hard to beat him in God Mode

—— now it got me pissed off… As I started writing this… this is unedited.. I just typed in the first thing that came in my mind.. dammit…

I always have trouble with women they make me nervous…women reach the state of perfection without even trying; even though they have their flaws but it tends to be covered up as if I’m locked in a hypnotic trance.

I’m an idiot compared to her…

I can’t seem to think of anything but her…

My palms sweat and words always seem to come out in gibberish form, it’s disrupting my everyday life but it’s worth it…

I’m willing to wait and do whatever she wants me to do, I can be her lover, her bestfriend, everything that I can do I’d do it for her…

I don’t want to be lonely it’s difficult not to feel a little bit disappointed when things don’t go the way I planned it…

No amount of coffee can make me feel better and the next day would suck too…

With her everything seems brighter and full of wonderful colors and when I talk to her, the smell of fragrant flowers surrounds me and when I look at the sky I see a rainbow and butterflies flutter by and by…

When I look at her, my day is complete; nothing can ruin my day a strange wave of energy flows within me that makes my heart sing and muscles weak at the same time…

All the time, all day, all I do is daydream about her…

Well what could this be??? I love her!!!

That’s it…

End of story, I know it’s cheesy but I love her…

But what can I give to the girl who has everything? Help please!! I don’t know what to do…

Coffee!!!!!! I need coffee!!!!!!!

I want to laugh and cry at the same time, it sucks but that’s the way it should be “survival of the fittest”…

I can’t think straight…why??
I’m sleepy… why???
I’m hungry…why??
I feel shitty and depressed at the same time…

feel the pain—the pain of longing and waiting for the love of someone that is not in love with you…

I don’t know…
I’d just ride it out and accept the pain, which always comes with love…

“all is fair in love and war”???? Bullshit!!???!!!??!!

Bacon and ham, shawarma and balot… why do always think of her?? Aside from food, of course…tapsilog, siopao, siomai, pizza, barbeque, calamares, sisig, porkchop, beefsteak, tocino, kare-kare, cheesedog, burrito, fajita… food!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!….one mistake and you pay for it for eternity…

what’s going on in my mind…

crap, who cares, I’m not myself lately, and I just do what I feel and act what I do…

I can’t stop thinking of her even when I try not to think about her. Ohhhh this sucks… my head hurts but in a good way… headaches and migraines are a gift…I’d just take a pill and pop it in my mouth and boom… a dreamless sleep thanks to a crazy pill…ahhhhhhh!!! It’s disrupting my everyday life, everywhere I go, I always see something that would remind of her… and when I sleep, I always dream about her… I’m losing my mind or not… I like what I’m feeling; I haven’t felt this way for a long time. When’s gonna be my time? My dreams are full of her…only in dreams can I hold her and call her my own. I wish I can call her mine and she can call me hers…I love her I can’t think of any other reason,, I forgot to take a bath, I can’t eat properly, it’s very hard to concentrate, and things that I enjoy doing seem boring, food doesn’t taste good…

Good things come to those who wait…I’m praying that she wouldn’t let go…please don’t let go… I love you can’t you see…

Is it hard to understand, is it hard to love someone, and is it hard?? Is it??

Can I be a little bit optimist?? Sure… I’m always an optimist, but experience has taught me that wishful thinking always leads to disappointment! …solving her problems creates more problems for me??? Huh??? All I can think of are happy moments but she’ll never know the pain I’m going through in what she put me through. Why do I feel sad? Why do I feel depressed? Why am I lonely? I was always alone… riding the pain all by myself, nobody to care for, but now all I can think of is her…Bwahahahahaha!!! Why does this always happen to me? I can’t blame her, I can’t even blame myself… well, I guess what goes around comes around, at this point in time I’m eating dirt but pretty soon , I will walk on the top too. It’s only a matter of time till I recover… but for now I guess what I need to do is cry…cry alone…cry where nobody sees me…no one can help me…money can’t solve my problems but I guess crying does…but wait and see… there’s something in her that calms me down.

She’s like gravity — everything gets pulled closer to her… just like me I’m attracted to her like a moth to a flame… girls aren’t meant to be tamed, you can’t treat them like a thing and expect them to be good to you… you have to win their affection, capture their attention and make them fall in love with you. Tragic love or strange love—a love that can never be… it’s only in my mind and only in my dreams… how sad!!!

Now I’m afraid to face reality, I like living in my dreams. Maybe it’s cool, maybe it’s sad or maybe it’s bad that we’re not together… I can’t eat and I can’t sleep, I’m so damn tired because I’m so hung up on you, I hang out in my room and I just think of you… so maybe it’s good but often it’s not but still it’s a shame we’re not together…

Being alone all these years… I never competed with anyone and now I don’t have to pay attention to the competition, the one that I need to beat is myself…

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